Friday, February 6, 2015

Vail Fashion Statements

A Boston Blickbild Exclusive

Our intrepid reporters are in Vail, bringing our readers all of the news that the others don't dare to print. While the others were reporting on the opening ceremony and the role of the wind in the women's Super-G, we marched to a different drummer. One of our never-say-die journalists found two students of fashion design who were willing to talk to him about the latest trends in speed suit fashion. Trent Dillon and Roger Niedermeyer came all the way from New York City to attend the world championships. Let's find out what they have to say.

BB: Good morning, Trent and Roger.
Roger: It's not Roger, it's Ro-Zhay.
BB: What?
Roger: My name is pronounced Ro-Zhay, not Rod-Jer.
BB: Excuse me. Are you two ski racing fans?
Trent: What's not to like about ski racing? Who can resist a hot man in a ski-tight suit speeding down a mountain? I can't.
Roger: Oooooooh! Neither can I! Nothing beats big brutes in speed suits!
BB: What about the women?
Trent and Roger (together): Ewwwww!
BB: You two are studying fashion design, is that correct?
Roger: That's right. We're in our last year of design college. Our final project is to come up with a line of clothing.
Trent: Everyone else in our class is designing dresses or suits. Boring! Since we love ski racing, our final project is going to be a line of racing suits.
BB: For men, women, or both?
Trent: Of course for men, but women who want to race against men could wear them too.
Roger: As fans of the male racers, we came to Vail for inspiration. We wanted to see the latest trends in speed suit fashion and see if we could predict the next trend.
BB: I see. Have you found anything useful for your final project?
Roger: We have. We have been studying the trends in speed suits for the past 20 years.
Trent: And of course the guys wearing them.
BB: Let's try and stay on the subject of racing suits. We have noticed that race suits are getting more and more, shall we say, interesting. A plain race suit is no good anymore.
Roger: Well of course not. You have to remember that racers don't just win because they're the fastest ones down the mountain. They also get artistry points for their suits and how well their helmets and boots match them. (see this story)
Trent: That's right. Ski teams now hire wardrobe consultants to ensure that the racers look good. Everyone knows that when you look good on the outside, you feel good on the inside and will perform better.
BB: That's right. Roger (pronouncing it Ro-Zhay), what is your favorite speed suit?
Roger: I like the Italian suits the best. They may be classically simple, but sometimes less is more. I can see every muscle on an Italian racer's body without the distraction of busy patterns in the fabric. If I were an artistry judge, I would give the Italian team bonus points for their suits and for the scrumptious men who wear them.
Trent: The Italian speed suits are boring! They're only one color. Yawn! Who wants vanilla ice cream when you can have triple nut caramel fudge?
Roger: At least the Italian suits have color! Have you seen the Canadian suits for Vail? They're gray! Who in their right mind wears gray in the winter? You need color to brighten your mood and provide a contrast to the dreary weather.
BB: Trent, you obviously don't like plain racing suits. Which one is your favorite?
Trent: I'm partial to Finland's. They are putting everything together into one suit--a black and white checkerboard pattern with a touch of colored stripes.
Roger: Someone needs to design clothing for circus clowns! First of all, everyone knows you don't mix checks and stripes. Secondly, those suits make the racers look fat. Horizontal stripes combined with the checkerboard pattern have that effect. When you look fat, you feel sluggish. There's a reason no racer from Finland has won a race this season. They should at least have vertical stripes for a slimming effect.
BB: Who are your favorite racers?
Trent: Aksel Lund Svindal and Felix Neureuther.
Roger: Get out! They're my favorites too! Don't forget Christof Innerhofer, Carlo Janka, Matteo Marsaglia, Marcel Hirscher, Adam Zampa, and Ted Ligety.
Trent: Adam and Ted aren't really my type because I'm not into blonds. But I'll take the others and also Travis Ganong. He has a beard to die for!  Are they single?
BB: I'm afraid not. They either have girlfriends or they're straight. 
Trent: That figures. All the good men are either married or straight.
BB: Back to racing suits. You said that you had been studying racing suit trends. What do you think about Germany having the same suit for the past 20 plus years? They just change the color of the top part. 
Trent: Germany was ahead of its time with that suit 20 years ago with the zebra pattern. But the Germans need to get a new look. A white suit with splashes of black, red, and yellow would make the German racers look like they are actually in the 21st century.
Roger: I like the German suits. They have been around so long that they are now considered retro. And everyone knows that retro is the in thing these days.
BB: What do you lads think the future trend in speed suits will be?
Roger: Lots of sequins, feathers, and even rhinestones. My Bedazzler is ready!
Trent: Mine too!
BB: Uh....This is ski racing and not figure skating. I'm not sure how the racers would feel about wearing sequins, feathers, and rhinestones.
Trent: You are obviously straight and don't know what the biggest Winter Olympic sport is--it's figure skating. What do you think the men wear on their skating costumes? Anyway, the current suits won't be good enough for an artistry bonus in the future. Designers need to go above and beyond what they are doing now.
Roger: You said that you don't like the Italian racing suits. But imagine a red suit shimmering with red sequins or a blue one with blue sequins. That would be beyond fabulous!
Trent: Or imagine the Austrian suits with the words, "Power Team" spelled out in rhinestones. How stupendous is that!
Roger: I hate the Finnish suits now, but imagine them with the white squares filled in with rhinestones, the black squares with sequins, and the stripes with colored feathers. I can't think of anything more divine that that!
Trent: Oh my! That is even better than adding rhinestones and feathers to Hubertus von Hohenlohe's mariachi suit or filling in the polka dots on Argentina's racing suit with sequins!
Roger: Visualize this...Felix Neureuther in a German suit with the black stripes filled in with sequins. What could be hotter than Felix with a shimmery retro look?
Trent: Nothing! I think we should head back to New York and start working on our designs.
BB: What about the races? Didn't you come to Vail to watch the races?
Roger: Well, yeah! By the end of the championships, we will have lots of fantabulous designs for racing suits.
Trent: We will definitely have the top marks in our class for our speed suits. I'm sure a national team or individual racer will want one of our suits. Or we could be fashion consultants for a ski team too.
BB: Well, it looks like we are out of time. I want to thank you for this interview and wish you good luck on your final design project. Perhaps we will see your work on a ski racer in the near future. And that concludes another Boston Blickbild exclusive interview.

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